An Introduction to Madness; The Charter of the Angelic Sanctuary

Introduction to Madness

So I got this here charter, right? See, I don’t read too good, but what I’m thinking its saying is that we gotta look out for each other, yeah? I’m also seeing that this is the official mission statement for the Angelic Sanctuary, or Angelite, or maybe I’m just reading this wrong and whatnot. Cheah, bro.

Article I: Entering Heaven

As long as you wanna roll with Angelite, and you get checked out all clean and such, you know, none of that ZI jazz or multiple alliance applications or past infractions, all you gotta do is post an application with your intention for membership, and bam, once you get the ol’ approval, you’re in.

Article II: How We Operate

The Chancellor

So, there’s the head of this shindig, we can call him the Chancellor. This guy oversees EVERYTHING. I mean, wow! He’s got like, official power over the alliance and such. Anything he says goes, like internal and external matters, creating positions, he’s got veto powers and the like. He’s in power until he decides this party just isn’t meeting his booze quotient, and then goes and crashes the Bar Mitzvah down the street. If he needs to appoint a chaperon for the underage kids drinking illegally back at his house while he’s getting drunk on Jewish cedar wine, he may pick anyone he pleases, as long as he can pull off the dreaded Drunken Ally McBeal Shot Challenge. Terrifying!

The Board of Directors

The Board will consist of four elected Councilors. The Chancellor will oversee what they do; but Chancellor, what do they do? Well, normally, a Board of Directors would sit around all day, doing nothing, moaning about how the traffic to get over the Brooklyn Bridge took all morning and how Quarter 4 profits weren’t sufficient to buy them that third Jacuzzi for their second beach house in the Swiss Alps. Well, to that, I say tough luck, because these unlucky saps’ll be heading up the various departments of the Sanctuary! And since this is based underneath the Chancellor’s iron toed boot, he’ll be able to fire any of these self righteous pricks, whenever and wherever. Word, yo.

The Capos

The Chancellor, being all cool and such, may appoint various capos, but no more than three, to go and do random tasks here and there. So while we got the group called the capos, any position within the rank can be created. Capos have no voting rights, and shall simply act as shadowy figures providing much needed advice. They shall act as advisers, guiding the alliance along to the whim of the Chancellor. The capos can be dismissed and re-hired to positions, as long as they aren’t in jail or something, whatever it is these Mafia types do to stick themselves in such a sticky situation.

The Army of the Undead

Every good alliance needs an army. However, since we’re situated on 1 Sunny Heaven Drive, south of New York and West of Shanghai, we have a bunch of undead military commanders, vagabonds that laze about the River Styx and such, to lead our unwashed masses into battle. So, that’s why we have Bruce Campbell. Mr. Campbell, reprising his role as Ash from the Evil Dead movies, will be put in charge of the armed forces of the Angelic Sanctuary during times of war. He may appoint a Ving Rhames, or a General for you non-Angels, or whatever other famous Hollywood star he’s inclined to be calling a military position to assist him in his duties. Bruce Campbell and his Army of the Undead will be responsible for organizing battalions, war tactics, and writing up citations and merits for those who have excelled in times of war, showcasing valor and other such feats.

Also, we frown upon both tech raiding and nuclear first strikes. No member of the Sanctuary shall engage in an offensive war, lest they feel the wrath of the Chancellor’s ring hand, and/or the learning end of Bruce Campbell’s chainsaw. May Admin have mercy on your soul if this fate befalls your home.

The Unwashed, Pitchfork Brandishing Masses

All unkempt and uncouth members of the Angelic Sanctuary, read as non-governmental personnel, will be part of our grand chorus of never-ending hymns, and will be in charge for giving the Board of Directors their cushy jobs. Imagine a cage, and within that cage is a collection of angry people, and this entire people beat each other senseless until one is left standing. This is how the masses will elect their Board of Directors. Ever Democracy is grand. Oh, and one more note, if the Chancellor ever needs the angered horde to vote on something, so shall be done.

Article III: You’re out of Here, Bro

If you’re doing something wrong, the Chancellor can tell you to politely leave. We are a classy joint, but we must have rules. However, he can forgive you for your transgression, which is good for you, you dirty crime committer you. A vote can be called by any nation to banish a member from the Sanctuary, as long as three-fourths of the masses agree to the motion. A sixty hour voting period shall be awarded to the offending nation, perhaps earning them time to redeem themselves.

Article IV: Fixing This Here Document

So, as in Article III, a vote can be called by any nation for the task at hand; this task being editing this charter. Dialogue will ensue for an episode of time up to a thirty-six hour period, and will spill over into another thirty-six hour voting period in which seventy-five percent must be reached before the end of the voting period for the amendment to the charter to be added, else it will fail. I absolutely adore bureaucratic systems of law, because I have no possible way to spin this dreck into something hilarious.

Article V: You're Gonna Love My Nuts

As for an official team color, we're Angels, and Angels are white, right? So naturally, we should be a maroon alliance. I know, I know! Doesn't make a lick of sense, but damn, we're a group of rebels, with the black clothes, skin-tight jeans, and all that makeup, oh! We'll be getting all the boys this summer.

Article VI: Specify Other

Yeah, as for flying an Alliance Affiliation, we're like CALLED the Angelic Sanctuary, but seriously now, we'd like to go by Angelite, such as other alliances use their little abbreviated titles. I mean, I've worked here for nearly three years, and I have not seen or heard of us protecting one single angel from a threat of any kind. I barely even known what the hell is going on anymore. You ever see a dog walking down a street, and think to yourself, “hey, why’s that dog walking down the street without a collar on?” Cheah, it’s kinda like that.

Or are we the angels? Is any of this really real at all? What if life as we know it is nothing...more...than a game?